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Volume III
April, 2012

Newsletter Home / Jest for Fun

35 Things I've Learned from Movies

1. You're likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

2. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

3. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any part of the building undetected without difficulty.

4. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.

5. The "driver" can take his eye off the road, talk to the passenger for five minutes straight, and not hit a darn thing.

6. The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective - or give him 48 hours to finish the job.

7. The average hotel pool is always deep enough for you to survive a fall from any floor.

8. Stolen clothes are always a perfect fit.

9. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

10. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving

11. No matter how badly a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.

12. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth and good complexions.

13. Make-up can safely be worn to bed without smudging.

14. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is a pilot in the control tower to talk you down.

15. It is always possible to park directly outside in front of the building you are visiting.

16. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

17. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.

18. Having a job of any kind will make all fathers forget their son's eighth birthday.

19. Every car that goes off any cliff will explode before it hits the ground.

20. Everyone has aviation skills.

21. During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

22. Dogs always know who's bad and will naturally bark at them.

23. Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.

24. All cheap hotel rooms will have a large flashing neon sign just outside the window that illuminate the room in an on-off manner.

25. Any lock can be defeated by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds - unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.

26. All single women have a cat.

27. All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.

28. All grocery shopping bags are carried above the waist and contain at least one loaf of French bread.

29. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to explode.

30. Action heroes never face charges for manslaughter or criminal damage despite laying entire cities to waste.

31. A single match or lighter will be sufficient to light up a room the size of RFK Stadium.

32. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty from a screaming police chief.

33. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

34. Any person waking from a nightmare will bolt upright, sit and pant.

35. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.

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