This was posted by one of our Premium Subscription Members in the Forum! (The Forum is a GREAT place to gather and have fun times – Sign up to be a Premium Subscriber, and you can join in the fun too! )

“Found the following tonight while doing some research on my ancestry. It is funny!!! And it concerns food....of course.” Posted by WaHa – A member of the Forum

All you great cooks with the wonderful recipes can skip this one. This is for the rest of us who just drool when we read your posts.

How to tell when your food is spoiled

Whether you are a mom who cooks for many, a bachelor who cooks on rare occasions for himself, or a new college student who for the first time has his or her own refrigerator -- you will eventually all open the fridge one day and say to yourself, "Can I eat this or will it kill me?"
Well, here are some guidelines to help you get through the crisis, so you will know what to eat and what to toss.

THE GAG TEST -- Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for leftovers from what you cooked for yourself last night):
EGGS ---- When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime.
DAIRY PRODUCTS -- Milk is spoiled when it starts to look like yogurt.
a) Yogurt is spoiled when it starts to look like cottage cheese.
b) Cottage Cheese is spoiled when it starts to look like regular cheese.
c) Regular Cheese is nothing but spoiled milk anyway and can't get any more spoiled than it is already.
d) Cheddar Cheese is spoiled when you think it is blue cheese but you realize you've never purchased that kind.
MAYONNAISE -- If it makes you violently ill after you eat it, the mayonnaise is spoiled.
FROZEN FOODS -- Frozen foods that have become an integral part of the defrosting problem in your freezer compartment will probably be spoiled -- (or wrecked anyway) by the time you pry them out with a kitchen knife.
EXPIRATION DATES -- This is NOT a marketing ploy to encourage you to throw away perfectly good food so that you'll spend more on groceries. Perhaps you'd benefit by having a calendar in your kitchen.
MEAT ---- If opening the refrigerator door causes stray animals from a three-block radius to congregate outside your house, the meat is spoiled.
BREAD -- Sesame seeds and Poppy seeds are the only officially acceptable "spots" that should be seen on the surface of any loaf of bread. Fuzzy and hairy looking white or green growth areas are a good indication that your bread has turned into a pharmaceutical laboratory experiment.
FLOUR -- Flour is spoiled when it wiggles.
LETTUCE --- Bibb lettuce is spoiled when you can't get it off the bottom of the vegetable crisper without Comet. Romaine lettuce is spoiled when it turns liquid. (We didn't think you needed guidance with this one)
CANNED GOODS -- Any canned goods that have become the size or shape of a softball should be disposed of. Carefully.
CARROTS --- A carrot that you can tie a clove hitch in is not fresh.
RAISINS -- Raisins should not be harder than your teeth.
POTATOES -- If it looks like it is ready for planting, toss it.
CHIP DIP -- If you can take it out of its container and bounce it on the floor, it has gone bad.
EMPTY CONTAINERS -- Putting empty containers back into the refrigerator is an old trick, but it only works if you live with someone or have a maid.
UNMARKED ITEMS --- You know it is well beyond prime when you're tempted to discard the Tupperware along with the food. Generally speaking, Tupperware containers should not burp when you open them.

GENERAL RULE OF THUMB: Most food cannot be kept longer than the average life span of a hamster. Keep a hamster in or nearby your refrigerator to gauge this.


Subscribe to Cook'n Premium and get newsletter articles like this each week!

blog comments powered by Disqus