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Volume I
March 21, 2003

Axis of War

         Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis of Evil", Libya, China, and Syria today announced that they had formed the "Axis of Just as Evil", which they said would be more evil than that stupid Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the Union address.
         Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new Axis as having, for starters, a really dumb name. "Right. They are just as evil...In their dreams!" declared North Korean leader Kim Jong- il. "Everybody knows we're the best at being evil...we're the best!"
         Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded, although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil. "They told us it was full," said Syrian president Bashar al-Assad. "An axis can't have more than three countries", explained Iraqi President Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So, you can only have three, and a secret handshake. Ours is wickedly cool."
         International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as within minutes, France surrendered. Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in what has become a of geopolitical chairs.
         Cuba, Sudan and Serbia announced that they had formed the "Axis of Somewhat Evil", forcing Somalia to join with Uganda and Myanmar in the "Axis of Occasionally Evil", while Bulgaria, Indonesia and Russia established the "Axis of Not So Much Evil Really as Just Generally Disagreeable". With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the "Axis of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host the Olympics".
         Canada, Mexico and Australia formed the "Axis of Nations That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Some Nasty Thoughts About America", while Scotland, New Zealand and Spain established the "Axis of Countries That Want Sheep to Wear Lipstick". "That's not a threat, really, just something we like to do," said Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.
         While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps making fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axises, although he rejected the establishment of the "Axis of Countries Whose Names End in 'guay", accusing one of its members of filing a false application. Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.
         Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but privately world leaders said that's only because no one asked them.

                  by John Cleese

PS     Presumably the Belgians and Swiss will join with Lichtenstein to form the "Axis of Small Countries who make Chocolate and Don't Go About Bullying and Making Trouble...But Who Can Get Snooty if Necessary."

Spaghetti Casserole

Cooking from the Freezer
The Freezer to Grill Mari-thon

Poppable Popcorn
Power Outage Dilemma
Foods that Can't Take the Cold
Storage Life of Frozen Food
Wrapping it Up
Tofu Tricks

Axis of War
Quotes from Remarkable Women
Toilet Talk
You'll feel smarter after you read these quotes - I did

Rainy Weather Solutions

Meals and Menu Planning

Fantastic Flavor
Foolproof Chocolate Melting
Is There Life After Taxes?
Pumpkin Butter

Cinco de Mayo

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