Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected and frequently humorous.

  • Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

  • The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

  • Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

  • If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

  • We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

  • War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

  • Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

  • To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

  • I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

  • In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify I put 'DOCTOR'.

  • Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

  • You do not need a parachute to sky dive. You only need a parachute to sky dive twice.

  • I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

  • To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit "the target."

  • Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

  • You're never too old to learn something stupid.

  • I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one.


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