The Talk That Made Me Laugh, Cry, and Hug My Mom
This past Sunday (Mother's Day), my wife Kathy shared a touching message on Motherhood during our church service. It was heartfelt, honest, and full of wisdom. I recorded it so you could experience it too. Click here to listen to the recording, or scroll down for the transcript.
I remember a time when—and this might sound a bit bold—I was a really good mother. In fact, I was one of the best mothers I knew. I don’t mean to brag, but there were just things I instinctively understood. It clicked. I had it down... and then—I had children. And just like that, all of my perfect theories flew out the window.
Motherhood
President Ezra Taft Benson taught:“No other success can compensate for failure in the home.”
C.S. Lewis said:
"Homemaking is surely in reality the most important work in the world. what do ships, railways, mines, cars, government, etc. exist for except that people may be fed, warmed, and safe in their own homes? The homemaker’s job is one for which all others exist."
For whatever it’s worth, here are some things I have learned being a mom.
I have learned that Heavenly Father loves and accepts our imperfect efforts.
When I was first married I was asked to take dinner to a family who had just had their sixth baby. Now you have to understand that at this time in my life, I did not cook.I came from my college apartment where I had a box of Lucky Charms, a gallon of milk and a jar of pickles and that was my meal planning for the week, that and dates. I just didn’t cook.
So, I decided to make them one box of Hamburger Helper, for a family of eight. I got so caught up in the service of it and I felt so good inside I was practically giddy while I prepared that meal.
Following the directions on the box, add the noodles now, add the seasoning packet now. When it was done I put it in one of my new dishes that I got for my wedding with a huge smile on my face, I trotted it over there like it was just the best thing in the world.
My offer was clearly lacking.
First of all, one box of Hamburger Helper will not feed a family of eight. And, second of all, Hamburger Helper...ew.
But this made my testimony grow of the power of service because even though my offer was seriously lacking I still felt good inside and I knew that because of those good feelings that Heavenly Father accepted my offer no matter how imperfect it was.
I’m sure they had to order pizza that night but it did not change the fact that I was willing to serve.
I have learned that nobody will ever know or love my kids the way I do
This is why it was so important for me to be the one to raise my kids because I am the one who knows their heart individually. They are as different as any kids can be. Each with their own strengths and struggles.
As far as gospel and eternal truths I have treated them all the same but in every other way I have treated them all very differently.
This is evident by the fact that Brennah thought I was too easy on Danny because his struggles are different than hers.
Danny says “If I could have anyone else’s parents, I would want Andan’s”
Andan says “That sounds about right” because he believes that he is the favorite.
Jackson has had an entrepreneurial spirit since he was a toddler making Lego stop-motion videos.
And, Carson is our tigger. He’s bouncy trouncy flouncy pouncy fun fun fun fun fun.
I used to say that it would be great if we could just figure it out on the first child and then reapply over and over again. How easy would that be? How wonderful would that be?
But, there is no one size fits all when it comes to parenting so we catered it to fit the needs of our precious kids and it has been so fun to watch them grow and become the amazing individuals they are. It has been the joy of my life.
Elder M. Russell Ballard:
“There is no one perfect way to be a good mother... Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children.”
I have learned that I am entitled to inspiration for my children and that it is an absolute necessity to have the Holy Ghost as a partner in parenting
When I had my fifth baby I felt overwhelmed, like I was treading water and barely keeping my head up.I know that I did have time to read my scriptures but I felt like I didn’t. So, I went for months without reading.
When I finally kicked myself in the pants and decided not to give myself any more excuses, I was surprised to find out that very same week that I started reading again...I found out that:
- one child had been caught cheating and
- another was failing his grade because he wasn’t handing anything in, and
- another child had an umbilical hernia that had to be surgically fixed
I was worried. I was embarrassed. I wanted to go down to the school and say "...look, they were taught."
I thought to myself "this isn’t right. I am reading my scriptures so things are supposed to get better. Aren’t they?
I had a similar talk with the Lord about it when I was praying one night and the answer I got was “These things were happening anyway, you just didn’t know it.”
That’s when it became absolutely imperative for me to have the Holy Ghost as a partner in my parenting.
I’ve learned that talking to my children is the most important thing I can do
I made a promise that I would always talk to my kids whenever they wanted to no matter what and I really tried to keep that promise. I didn’t always but I tried.
One of my sons in particular would wait until I put the baby down and feeling like I just had enough energy to carry myself to bed he would say. “Mom, can you come have a talk with me?” and I would drag my tired self in there and I’m so glad that I did because we talked about everything.
I talked to my kids about their hopes, their fears and anyone who had ever looked at them cross-eyed.
I talked to them about real world problems that they would face and what they could do when they encountered them.
I talked to them about their mistakes and would try to help them find their way back to happiness.
And, in return, they usually told me everything when they were growing up...sometimes to a fault.
But I wouldn’t have it any other way because how can I help and teach a child if I don’t know what’s going on. I have loved our talks and that is something I will always be grateful for.
I should mention that the same boy that I talked to every night recently gave me some parenting advice for Andan. He said “You should really talk to him? I think I would have really liked that.”
And, I think that probably sums up motherhood better than any other sentence.
Apparently he had no memory of our talks but I still don’t regret it. I know there were some things that got in. It has led to the open communication that we have today.
Elder L. Tom Perry said:
“Teaching in the home is becoming increasingly important in today’s world. … We must create homes filled with the Spirit of the Lord. Parents must have open communication with their children and teach them the gospel principles.”
I’ve learned that Satan doesn’t kick a dead dog
Sherry Dew said:"Satan has declared war on motherhood. He knows that those who rock the cradle can rock his earthly empire. And he knows that without righteous mothers loving and leading the next generation, the kingdom of God will fail."
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland once said:
"We live in a world that is more and more hostile to motherhood."
If motherhood wasn’t so vital to the salvation of souls, Satan would not be working so hard to demean and belittle it.
So, when we start feeling less than we should, question the source. God’s plan is not one of guilt or despair. It is a plan of forgiveness, happiness and hope.
I have learned that judgment is mine saith the Lord
“There’s no way to be a perfect mother but a million ways to be a good one.” -Jill Churchill
As Mothers today, we face unrealistic expectations. We feel like we have to be perfect parents, spiritual giants, maintain a flawless home, show up for everyone at everything, and, on top of all that, now we have to create Instagram worthy meals.
My niece Timberly was picking up her kids from school and she was in the wrong lane so cars began honking at her to which she waved and said “I’m doing the best I can” and that, for me, is the motto to live by. Do the best I can and assume everyone else is doing the same.
I find that I am happier when I let the Lord have what is His and His alone.
I’ve learned that you love who you serve. The more you serve and sacrifice the deeper the love.
Exodus 20:12 (KJV) says:"Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee."
It is the only commandment that has a promise attached to it: That your days may be long.
There is a real push in the world today to separate kids from their parents and their upbringing. When, the truth is, the closer we stay to our parents the happier we will be.
Why is this? Because a thankful heart is a happy heart. There is so much love and sacrifice that goes into keeping us alive and well those first two decades of our lives we can’t even comprehend it.
So, if you are not feeling understood by your mother or that she is out of touch with you or that you don’t need her, I suggest that you start repaying her with some selfless service and I believe that you will be amazed at the love that blooms and grows inside of you.
An Ode to Mothers
When my son was 4 years old, he would say the cutest prayers; praying for the smokers and the blind people and then would break out into a chorus of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star right in the middle. But, my favorite part was when he would say "thank you for mom."...Motherhood.One night, I was giving my three young sons a bath. I had just lathered up my first son's hair when a small voice said “Sorry mom. Sorry about the peeps in the tub, they just wanted to come out.” ...Motherhood.
I’ll never forget the time my young son’s fudgesicle somehow found its way onto my car seat. I proceeded to sit on it with my white jeans and then walked through the entire school as I was the helper mom that day...Motherhood.
When my daughter was a teenager, she threw a service party. The plan was to come to our house, eat good food, play fun games, then bake cookies and take them to people who were in need. Well, the day of the party I cooked the food, made the cookie dough, organized the games, and cleaned the house. Later on, when the party wasn’t going the way my daughter expected, she came to me and said “This party is a disaster and it’s all your fault.” Well she was right, since I had done everything, who else could be blamed?....Motherhood.
Four of my sister-in-law’s seven children have not only left the church but have also left her. Heart broken, she carries on praying for them, putting their names on the temple roll, and loving them. When all hope is gone. A mother still believes and loves....Motherhood.
A friend of mine lived in France when she got pregnant with her fourth child. The doctors told her that this boy would have Downs Syndrome. They encouraged her, vigorously, to abort the baby telling her that he would never be able to have a normal life. After much prayer, one day the doctors were particularly aggressive in their encouragement for an abortion when she said to them, “What you don’t understand is that we already love this boy and every one of his chromosomes. Please don’t ask us again.”....Motherhood.
I think a lot about my mother when my dad died leaving her with nine kids, the youngest being three years old. After 31 years of being a mother, I still can’t even fathom how she did it...Motherhood.
I have a niece who’s only goal in life was to be a wife and a mother but through no fault of her own has not been able to make that dream a reality. She has become the best aunt, sister, and bonus mom on the planet. She also takes care of her parents and has so much love to give and consequently is so loved in return....Motherhood.
When the natural order of things was disrupted and my mom found out that her forty year old daughter (my sister) had passed away, the grief on her face was sorrow that only a mother could know....Motherhood.
When my mom got older, speaking about my dad, she started saying things like: “I’ve just been away from him too long”. We all knew that her time was coming but apparently nothing can prepare you for the loss of someone so significant in your life because I was very unprepared to lose my mother....Motherhood.
I urge you all to go home and hug your mothers today but don’t stop there, do something that shows them that you appreciate what they have done for you and who they are. Believe me when I say they won’t be around forever.