Why Athletes shouldn't be role models...

Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model:
"I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me."

New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:
"I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."

Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann 1996:
"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh:
"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."

Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach:
"You guys line up alphabetically by height." And "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."

Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker:
"That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."

Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited the Parthenon during his visit to Greece:
"I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."

Shaquille O'Neal, on his lack of championships:
"I've won at every level, except college and pro."

Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota:
"He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."

Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager, on his team's 7- 27 record in 1992:
"We can't win at home. We can't win on the road. As general manager, I can't figure out where else to play."

Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice:
"My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."

Jim Finks, New Orleans Saints General Manager, when asked after a loss what he thought of the refs:
"I'm not allowed to comment on lousy no good officiating."

Alan Kulwicki, stock car racer, on racing Saturday nights as opposed to Sunday afternoons:
"It's basically the same, just darker."

Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins:
"He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings."

Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received 4 F's and 1 D:
"Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."

And the Gem
Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all road trips, Phillips responded:"Because she is too darn ugly to kiss goodbye."