A "lexophile" is a lover of words, enjoying and creating puns and sayings, such as "You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish", or "To write with a broken pencil is pointless." Competitions among lexophiles prevail, and this year's winning statement is posted at the end of this list.

When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.

The batteries were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

A will is a dead giveaway.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

A boiled egg is hard to beat.

When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was
resisting a rest.

Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off?
He's all right now.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.

Acupuncture is a job well done. That's the point of it.

And the cream of the twisted crop:

Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.

ALWAYS LAUGH WHEN YOU CAN. IT'S CHEAP MEDICINE.